ON FIRE

Dishes in the dishwasher, Laundry put away, Wrapping paper in the trash, Kids in the bath, Toys all over the living room floor(oh well), Avatar on the TV...6pm on Dec 26th and a glass a wine. . . I am captured by a song...ON FIRE--by Switchfoot


"On Fire"

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me [x3]
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery

Rev 10:7 But in the days when the seventh angel is about to sound his trumpet, the mystery of God will be accomplished, just as he announced to his servants the prophets.

good night...mommaavila

a hard journey

This week has been really hard...I have had too many mommy meltdowns, I have been exposed to some really ugly things and mainly my parents have created an environment for themselves that is BAD...the reality of this is very haunting and I am at a loss for how to help them. I know I am being vague but I have to be...my mom is a very private person and I want to respect that.

Let me just say that I am struggling to overcome the darkness...to do that I am going to write about things I am thankful for...I have an amazing husband who puts up with my neurotic, intense, and often annoying personality! I have 2 beautiful children who are learning(too early probably) how to be forgiving of a mom that just can't get it right most the time. I have a brother that amazes me with what he has overcome since he has given his life to Christ! I have Lisa, Andria, Shelley, who are so invested in me--I don't even understand why...I have a home that I adore. I am so thankful for all these things. I am thankful for the people in my life who I get to journey with. I especially an thankful for those that work to be transparent and loving and and open their hearts to me.(heather M:)) I lived a life for so long that was secretive and ugly. I need to be with those that can be real and are not afraid to admit that they are wrong!

opps I think I had a commercial break...

I am thankful for God's word
I am thankful for rainbows and butterflies
I am thankful for good music
I am thankful for Flipside
I am thankful for a team of women that I love to work with!
I am thankful for momtourage
I am thankful for my cozy pajamas
I am thankful for air conditioning
I am thankful my dad has been healed physically
I am thankful that I have a husband
I am thankful that I have 2 healthy knees that allow me to play soccer...my first love!

ok i better get the kids out of the bath!

I feel a little better!

most of all I thank you Jesus!

Choose to love the LORD your God and to obey him and commit yourself to him, for he is your life. Then you will live long in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

A day with a butterfly

Yesterday God freed up some time in my day and so I was able to spend a few hours getting quiet with Him. I found a quiet place down in the claremont colleges and sat there listening to my music and writing in my journal.

THINGS HE SHOWED ME--1. i need to find a way to allow my brain to shutdown and rest. 2. I needed to see Him in everything...even the little things.

HOW HE SHOWED ME!! After spending sometime under the tree I got up and started on a little walk...suddenly my attention was drawn to this huge butterfly. Probably one of the biggest I have seen. It was sort of dancing for me. I couldn't take my eyes of it and it seemed to be following me. Every-time I would start to think about all the things I need to do the butterfly would reappear and grab my attention again. This went on for longer then can be explained by a random coincidence.

You might not believe this but I met a friend for lunch and the butterfly came to visit me there too and then after lunch when I was walking back to my car...yes--the butterfly once again danced for me!!!

God wanted my attention and He used this beautiful creation of His to fight for my attention. It took a while for me to wrap my mind around this but once I allowed it to sink in I was amazed at the way God used the butterfly to allow my mind to rest and to reveal himself to me...

God your unfailing love is so beautiful and I hope I am constantly reminded of your love through the little things!

momma avila

Its been a while--stronghold

Hello Blog world...

I haven't written in a long time. I miss writing but I lack the time really. Anyway, my very first blog was inspired by a concert called the rock and worship road show that I went to in 2009. I just went to it again in 2010. This year there were so many great bands again and I enjoyed myself. Again I went with Jen Aguilar who I have become very close to and many other ladies joined us from Flipside. It was really nice. David Crowder band is amazing and of course Mercy Me is awesome too.

I just started a Revelation study and it is great! Beth Moore study she does an amazing job!

I am also reading the Bible chronologically in a year. This has been really great for me. I haven't read much in the Old Testament so this Bible reading plan is really rocking my world. I have experienced so many amazing people Moses, Job, Deborah, and now I am reading about David. It has been really nice for me to see David life unfold. I have always heard about him a little hear and there but now I am reading about him sort of as he grows up.

Recently I came across the word stronghold and felt confused about how the word was being used in the OT. I am used to hearing stronghold in relation to like a spiritual struggle or sinful behavior like addiction. The stronghold in the OT is a safe place, a fortress, a place that David goes to sort of hid from the war or hide from the enemy. So I got stuck in these passages. I started to realize that God was revealing something tyo me but I couldn't tell what exactly until I had a conversation with Dante and I asked him what he knew of strongholds. He said there are safe places to go to rest/hide from the war and that is when I realized that God was showing me that I need to rest from the warzone that I am constantly exposed to. This warzone is in my head mostly but it can be exhausting. I feel like I have been challenged to find a stronghold(safe place) to go within me. I need an internal stronghold. Another way of saying this is I think I need to find more peace in my life.

With all that said I am gonna get to bed. Dante just got home from a mountain bike ride and a small cinco de mayo celebration with his friends. I want to go hangout with my handsome awesome husband!

So thankful for that Jesus continues to reveal himself to me. Pray that I can find more peace in Him. Pray that someone I love that isn't following Christ might read this and want to know more.

Hebrew 12:1 Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

Forever in Christ--momma avila

broken

Hello Hello--It is late I just got my fix of reality TV and the Lakers and I can't sleep. Its times like these when the house is quiet and I can't sleep that I know I need to be in the word. Often when I KNOW I need to be in the word-- I avoid it! Why you ask well...I'm afraid!

YES I am afraid...I know I am broken and there is a lot to fix in me! I want God to fix me but at the same time it is just super scary.

I love my life, I am truly blessed in so many ways but I cannot ignore where I came from and how it continues to burden me...that sounds bad...maybe I shouldn't say burdens me but--how it shapes who I am.

I need a verse...See I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. Pay attention to him and listen to what he says. Do not rebel against him: he will not forgive your rebellion since my name is in him. If you listen carefully to what he says and do what I say, I will be an enemy to your enemies and I will oppose those who oppose you. EXODUS 23:20-22


I am reading the Bible chronologically I am in Exodus right now--reading about Moses. I am actually reading it out loud to Dante--which is really cool...he asks me questions and I try to answer them. It is bringing us closer(I think) Anyway Exodus is the second book in the Bible it is where you can find the ten commandments. What I am learning as I read 1) God gave some pretty thorough information to Moses regarding Laws and stuff--How certain crimes should be handled and stuff like that. 2) God keeps His promises! 3) God chooses people.--I am not sure what this means exactly

I had a rough day today--I am pretty worn out...everyone is better now but last 2 weeks everyone has been sick(except me) and I am the caretaker and that can be exhausting. Also we had Juliette's birthday party last weekend. It is my spirit that is tired...so I need to be in the word--GOD ALONE CAN REST MY SOUL!

I am all over the place...I am gonna get to bed now...

praying that Dante will have an increased desire to seek/understand the truth. I want a partner on this journey and I usually feel alone. Pray that I will know how to love my parents as I am challenged to understand my role in their spiritual and physical health. Pray that I will be a good leader and team builder--always chasing after Jesus!

I am so blessed and I love my life!

Peace out---

BROKEN, Forgiven--Heather

time to plow up this weed that wants to destroy my home!

Hi there friends...Its sunday morning and I feel like writing. I am at Flipside listening to the worship band warm up and they sing STIR IT UP IN OUR HEARTS LORD...GIVE ME A PASSION FOR YOUR NAME! Great song

Anyway yesterday I had a great conversation with 2 godly ladies and I really feel that it is time for me to really address some issues that I struggle with. I have tried long and hard to figure out how to get certain things I struggle with out of my life and I have made progress but I still totally struggle. I think what I figured out yesterday is well I knew this stuff but just needed to hear it again sortof--hope this makes sense.

so I was reminded that I can't just pray for these things to magically go away... things that i have struggled with for great lengths of time and that have been passed down to me generationally have deep roots and we all know how hard it is to get these deep roots all the way out. As we pull them from the soil little parts break up and get left behind and new sort of different looking weeds sprout up and can do just as much damage. I have to really dig this stuff up and make sure there is nothing left behind for the devil to nourish.

What does this mean...well I'm not sure but I think I have to tell God that I am ready to deal with it and I have to ask him to reveal to me things that I am not able to see because they either hurt to much so I have built walls of protection or maybe I cannot see them because I am in the mist of it...I don't know but basically I have to trust God with my heart and go to these scary places if I want to really be healed...not easy... but probably easier then dealing with the pain I am dealing with now.

I know God has nicely been trying to show me this for a while several months ago the verse from HOSEA 10:12 was brought to me and I thought about it for a while but turned away because I just wasn't ready to deal...I blogged on it in the past if you want to read that one to see what i was saying back then...the verse goes Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you. HOSEA 10:12

So this morning I prayed for just this...I asked God to begin to reveal to me the things I need to deal with in order to truly be the mom, wife, friend, daughter and person that I am destined to be! PRAY FOR ME--that I won't turn away when it is hard and that I will take one step closer each day--these places need to be plowed so my garden can truly grow(thats for you shellie).

Thank you Lord--I truly love my life...it is such a blessing to see the sunrise and set each day and to see the stars in the sky and to breath in fresh air each day and to get to have precious children in my home to care for and to have a home and to have a husband and to have a garden...I know these are all blessings that you have given me and I thank you for all these things...Thank you for grace...TO YOU BE THE GLORY AMEN!!!

GOING CAMPING--

AND THE KING WAS PLACED FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SHOW DISGRACE BUT ONLY BEAUTY FLOWED FROM THIS PLACE--

these words are lyrics from a song by Jeremy Camp. The song is called This Man. It asks would you take the place of this man??

This morning during my time with God these words--and the king was placed for all the world to show disgrace but only beauty flowed from this place--brought me to tears lots of tears. I was visualizing Jesus on the cross. Attacked by mean words, being accused of all kinds of things, tortured in front of all kinds of witnesses and more. I picture it and then to think that while this is such an ugly-evil act it is also the reason why He came. To show us the depth of His grace and to wash away our sins. I really cannot wrap my mind around it but all I know is I found myself drenched in tears in a booth at PANERA this morning praising God for Jesus.

WOULD YOU TAKE THE PLACE OF THIS MAN??

what a loaded question...

I won't even begin to answer it but I ask you to ponder it for a moment...

So here I am 13 days into 2010 and looking forward to a new journey...What journey you ask?? Many lovely ladies are teaming up with me to try to get WOMENS MINISTRY thriving at FLIPSIDE! Please be praying for us...that we will allow God to give us shape. SO EXCITED!!!

thank you Jesus