PSALM 119

Hi friends,

This morning I am beginning my journey through Psalm 119. Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. My last blog I said that I was deciding where to land in my journey through 2012 and I have decided on Psalm 119. This spring I will also journey through the life of David with a Beth Moore study. So these will be my focuses.

God also has been showing me that I need to conquer some insecurities that I have. We all have insecurities and I heard someone say recently...our insecurities are areas of our life that we don't truly trust God. HMMMMMMMMMM...I pondered this a while and asked myself what are my securities??

I realized that I am a relationally insecure person. I have really high hopes and dreams for my relationships and with high hopes and dreams there is a lot of room for let down or failure. I think it is good that I want great things for my relationships but I have to learn to be more gracious. Grace is a word that I am only really beginning to understand. Most of my life it was not part of my vocabulary. Ok but that is a whole other topic so back to my insecurities.

When I say I am relationally insecure, what I mean is that I fear my relationships will not end up like I hope for. Growing up in a non-christian family, I can look at most the relationships around me and see what I DON'T WANT. Don't get me wrong my parents did the best they knew how but without God as the center things just went mostly bad! My parents do not have good relations with their parents or siblings, they don't really have friends etc.

So, here is an example of what I am trying to suggest, I want to have a great marriage right? , a marriage where we have similar passions, where we encourage each other to live life to the fullest. I want to be each others best friend and always challenge each other. I want to grow old together laughing, cuddling and living passionately! Both Dante and I come from families where our parents don't have this sort of relationship at ALL! So I find myself tight-fisted with Dante too often because I fear that we will grow apart and that we will have a similar marriage to our own parents. (hope you are following this) Anyway, God does not want me holding on to anything tight-fisted. When I hold things this way HE is not able to do the work in our marriage that only He can truly do. It is in my insecurities that I squeeze too tight and I want to learn to let go and let God but that means I have to truly trust God...Do I?

Do I trust that God wants more for my marriage then even I can hope and dream for? Do I trust that God is even more invested in my marriage then I am? Do I trust that He is truly the one holding it all together? It is easy to say YES I DO! But to begin to let go of my tight grip and really allow God to reign in our marriage...Boy that is HARD!!! Lately when I go to God with my insecurities....For example I will say "Father please do not forsake me, as i let go more and more please don't forget that I want a marriage that is (all the things I mentioned earlier) ...and He says in a soft whisper YOU ALREADY DO HAVE THOSE THINGS BECAUSE OF ME(HIM)...Don't you know I have even more for you...goosebumps right??


WOW...it is true my marriage is great! All the things I want and hope for we have! If I can only trust that as I let go, God will do even more then I can imagine in my marriage...how exciting is that! So here I go on this journey of realizing that as long as my hope and dreams for my marriage, kids, friendships, family are in alignment with Gods then He is planning to do even more then I can imagine!

I don't know about you but I want to get past my insecurities so I can truly live the life that God has planned for me! Whatever your insecurities are they maybe different then mine or similar, but trust that whatever they are God wants them released from you so He can give you way more then you can even imagine!

Praise Jesus for this journey I get to go on this year. I am so thankful that my eyes have been opened to the truth of the Bible. I am so thankful for a great community to learn and grow(The Flipside). A community full of gracious love and acceptance. I am thankful for the marriage God has given me and the children God has given me. I am so blessed to be on this journey with all my the people God has placed in my life. I am even thankful for my brokenness because with out a deep brokenness I would never truly understand how much I need HIM!!!

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Peace be with you momma avila!

what will 2012 have for me???

2012 is here and I am spending a lot of time with God trying to find a focus for the year.


To reflect
2009 I focused on rules of Holy living in Colossians.--this helped me to understand how to live as a christian. Since I spent the first 30 years of my life lost, this really helped me change many patterns of my life!
2010 I focused on reading the whole Bible--this helped me in so many ways! One day I want to attempt this again but IT WAS A HARD TASK. I learned SO much about myself about God and about my journey and calling in life.
2011 I focused on Proverbs 31 and Daniel--I learned what it means to be a Godly wife in a broken world. I learned that I am a Holy Vessel that satan wants to devour but I can choose to walk with Jesus and turn away from satan.
2012 is still up in the air. I know God is showing me areas of my life that I need to let Him in more. He is showing me that the areas in my life where I am insecure are actually areas in my life that I don't truly let Him rule. He has me asking myself why am I insecure in these areas,what am I afraid of, and how can I overcome the lies in my head! So now I am on to find a place to rest in the Bible that will help me grow in this area. I am drawn to Psalm 23. I am also drawn to Isaiah 61. But I have not decided!

MOMMAAVILA signing out :)