Somewhere Between Misunderstanding and Knowing

Hello blog it's me Heather. I have been away a long, long time. I am going to try visiting more often I really am!! It has been 5 years and I have learned so much I cannot wait to share.

Let's see where do I start. Well this is a pretty big part of my current season...

We moved in July 2017 back to my old stomping grounds of Claremont. It was never in the forecast for Dante and I as we didn't think we could ever afford to live in this town. But my parents needed to sell their house and we worked out a deal that made the opportunity possible. Dante and I felt the Lord was paving the way so we said "Yes" to the adventure!

Dante and I loved the simple life we had created in the first 14 years of our life together and it was tempting to stay there forever... but going down this path of adventure we knew was what the Lord was putting before us and we had to go for it...

There is this song that I have been singing over and over because I relate to it so much in this season.  The words go like this:
Standing on the shore of decision, Looking into the face of adventure Desire to abandon all I know
What pushes me is rooted Somewhere between Misunderstanding and knowing

This is exactly where I am somewhere between misunderstanding and knowing.
What I know is:
1. God goes before His people, He leads us and never forsakes us!
2. He strengthens His people if they keep their eyes on Him and don't loose sight of the call/journey He has them on.
3. God answers prayers! I have seen God answer prayers in my life in ways I could have never expected and I continue to see that in the season and it humbles me and brings me to my knees in a posture of constant surrender!
What I don't know is:
1. How do we pick up our life and move? My daughter loves her friends and we have invested so much time in those friendships -- how do we do this well??
2. Will we financially be able to afford this transition? Dante's pay varies dramatically month to month and the good months are dependent on so many factors outside our control!
3. Can our marriage handle these stresses?

I can go on and on in both categories but the fact is I am somewhere between misunderstanding and knowing and it terrifies me at times!

Then the songs says:
Knowing that what I want to understand Is not within my reach,
So I ponder my escape. Not knowing what lies ahead

For me this is where I can stay--in the pondering--I am constantly thinking and it can be exhausting! But there is a quiet whisper from God that says "Trust Me" and that whisper is more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. His voice is calming, peace-filled, healing and I sometimes wish I could just stay in that place where His voice is the loudest thing I hear...

Then it says:

Adventure in theory is, Is full of excitement And bleeds with passion for life Adventure in reality is full Of breathless moments, silent nights, And wounds that leave Scars of memory on a heart.

I cannot go into the stories now but I will say some of my hardest most lonely moments have been in this house and God is truly teaching me the tension of stepping out and trusting and not becoming hardened in the journey!

Can I go the distance? Can I give all my mind to get what the messenger is saying? Can I surrender my knowing? Will I survive the humility of ignorance to obtain a treasure that earthly gold cannot buy? Will I ask the question of honesty, even if the answer leads me to the land of repentance?

All of these thoughts flood my mind.

As I stand on the shore of choosing and in the distance of my wandering I see with clear eyes a flock of wild beautiful birds. Swooping clearly in my direction, as if they see me and are coming for me. And how strange it is that their eyes are full of clarity. And the melody of their flapping wings sings out, ‘We are coming for you'

The image of this bird standing in her cage that what once locked and safe but kept her trapped and away from her true calling... and now the door is open and the pondering begins...

A song is waking up Wake up, songbird We want to hear your melodies Songbird, wake up. Start singing. You're not in your cage anymore, bound by your shame anymore, the walls that held you in prison, the gate is flung wide open Start singing cageless bird.

What I know is that the Lord doesn't promise that it will be easy...but He will always be with me.
What I know is that this journey with God has been worth every risk so far even those that I don't quite understand yet....
What I know is that I just can't turn back, I must move forward!
What I know is that when I keep my focus on God and the truth that He has set before us, I am able!
What I know is that the enemy won't relent...
What I don't know will hold me back so I stick to what I know!!

If I spend too much time in the unknown I can fall apart and run back to the cage! So I start each day with worship, praise and Gods word because those things will never forsake me and help me to start each day with my eyes on the Master!